l Watch Me
l Note Me
Sooo now I'm on surgery internship.
I thought it would be an internSHIT, like the previous one. I was on ob-gyn and for two months, I haven't seen any childbirth or talked to any patient. I was in a room with three PCs (I was so happy there was Solitaire game lol) and I was writing hospital discharges. Yeah. That's what I learned to do. Copy, paste, modify, print. Oh, I also learned that if your laser printer says its toner is empty, you have to take it out, shake, and it can work again for a week or so.
But the surgery isn't an internSHIT. I still do paperwork, but it isn't mindless copy-paste-modify, but it requires thinking. I also had an opportunity to use my MAGICAL DOCTOR STAMP for the first time in my life (after half year of being a doctor, LOL) and I was so happy (and a bit proud)!
I also have "my own" patients, I admit them, take history, examine them, check on them every day, have a chat about how they are feeling... It's very nice.
And I'm so happy I don't have to be on the operating theater! It's boring. During my studies all I had to do on the OR was: a) stand and watch surgeon's backs (because it's all that you can see - once I took a pic, you can see it for yourself - instagram.com/p/XiEV1wAKBG/?ta…
YAY YOU'RE ALMOST A SURGEON NOW) or b) stand and hold the retractors, or sometimes c) hold a leg/arm. And I'm happy because there are other interns, who are eager to go there and look at surgeon's backs. Really
But there is one really bad thing about the surgery.
Today one of my patients was in a critical condition. She was not responsive and was breathing in this special way which only dying people breathe (death rattle). The family was informed and on the way. I was doing my paperwork as quickly as I could, taking breaks and going to my patient's room to check on her. She was alone, I didn't want her to die alone. No one should die alone. Every time I walked into the room I was so afraid it's too late, but she kept going. And after a few hours the family arrived. I was also afraid to talk to them, didn't want to be intrusive or something, but I finally managed to go and tell them I'm very sorry. I also told them that she's not suffering from pain, that they should just be there for her and moisture her mouth - that's the only thing they could do.
When i was finishing my work day, she was still alive. I went to home, went to bed and slept for few hours, emotionally drained.
It's hard. I know many doctors are immune to feelings when it comes to patients death, but I don't want myself to get rid of the feelings. It hurts, but it's a good pain. It's a part of being a human. Compassion, empathy... We'd be robots without it.
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